Charles P. Pierce
• He was reached under his desk, where he was reclining comfortably in a locked steamer trunk
• It’s going to have all of the Very Serious People slapping high-fives and buying each other ice-cold flagons of faceless human misery that never will touch them or their families.
• Scott Walker, the twice-elected goggle-eyed homunculus hired by Koch Industries to manage their midwest subsidiary formerly known as the state of Wisconsin.
• [July 4th,] the 236th anniversary of the day that Jesus helped old Tom Jefferson overcome his writer’s block, pausing in His labors only to invent the hot dog and FREEEEEEDOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!11111!!!!
• The name of Joe McCarthy is being invoked passionately more often than it is at Ann Coulter’s house in the dark of night when she finally finds where it is that she hid the last of the C batteries.
• In addition to fooling people into thinking that a Nickelback concert has broken out, the presence of many thousand dead fish in one place carries additional complications.
• That’s a helluva lot easier than getting a real job where you have to make change and clean off the Slurpee machine every couple of days.
• Republicans in Congress have been behaving like poo-flinging toddler-beasts since the president took office.
• He has now crossed the International “Who The Fk Are You When You’re At Home?” Line with a lot of room to spare.
• The real action took place between the stalactites growing in his mind.
• What button the monkey pushes to get the banana pellet doesn’t interest me at all.
• Perhaps he has wandered into rap music the way a possum wanders onto the interstate.
• Kate looked as though she’d date an armadillo if it showed up with its own camera crew.
• Rick Perry, who seems to believe the country has grown nostalgic for his own personal brand of stupid
• Now we have some idea of what the airspeed velocity of an unladen chicken is.
• Economists are not too far removed from cutting up doves on a rock and reading their entrails.
• I think I saw mutant rats with antlers running into holes in the wainscoting.
• Behavior unsuitable for an authoritarian middle-school principal in Donkey’s Balls, Texas.
• The same old terror of pee-pees and hoo-hahs and what people will do with them if the Church is not watching.
• The kind of Beltway insidery railbird bullshit that passes today for analysis.
• Willard Romney, vacationing plutocrat and wingnut chew-toy… he’s a heathen bastard in electric undershorts.
• Everybody noticed quite quickly that the man was even a bigger box of rocks than the last governor of Texas.
• The biggest public case of buyer’s remorse since the people of Hamelin went looking for their children.
• The guy that has a couple hundred Republican congressional peckers in his pocket, to borrow a phrase from LBJ.
• Here’s the Herald’s bill of particulars in the original Weasel. [here follows a quotation]
• It’s been a very long time since the country got this excited about any desolate body not belonging to a Kardashian
fairly dripped with flopsweat
• What Wagner would have come up with if he’d determined to write something called Ride of the Buffet Grazers.
• That sad afternoon when Pat Robertson decided there were more suckers in religion than in aluminum siding
• Like allowing a mule to try and swim the Channel. Prior to the inevitable drowning, it’s an interesting thing to watch.
• One of those self-financed millionnaire candidates who mistook his bank balance for his IQ.
• That’s where all of his wheelhouses converge into a single giant mall of pure mendacious twaddle.
• The kind of nuanced political acumen that guaranteed Chris Chocola a career as a former elected official.
• Ignorance expressed inelegantly always has been my favorite means of political expression.
• Oliver Stone might well have written the line in Wall Street, “If (she) owned a funeral parlor, nobody would die.”
• Some kind of blood offering to the nitwits currently scrubbing Grover Norquist’s fingerprints off their dicks.
• Once again, we find that William Of Ockham is the most cleanly shaven monk in the whole damn priory.
• The math behind them doesn’t add up unless you add ten million and carry the bullshit.
• Painting blue lines on his face and riding to Bannockburn, or to the mall. Opinions vary.
• Isn’t this the same cat who made brave throatlings about taking on Chambliss his own self.
• Governor Rick Snyder, who is what Juan Peron would have been had he been born as boring as steel wool.
• Bloodthirsty plutocrats who should be rendered naked, smeared with jam, and dragged across an endless field of anthills.
• Let John Boehner get all the bats in the House belfry flying in formation. That’s his job.
• Brows are furrowed but, ultimately, shit happens and what a mystery is man, and are you gonna eat that last doughnut?
• You might as well troll meth labs to learn table manners. Ask dogs for recreational tips and they’ll tell you to lick your balls. Ask monkeys about hobbies, and they’ll teach you to fling poo.
• Of course, the Clan Of The Red Beanie will stamp its be-slippered feet and wave its pectoral crosses in an ungainly public spectacle.
• Last night, when the feral children put Boehner’s balls inside a Christmas pinata and invited themselves to take a whack.
• He can’t even muscle the Ghosts Of Primaries Future out of the minds of rookie congresscritters whose desks might as well be on the sidewalk outside the Rayburn building.
